Bus Stop Blondes
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:''Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?''
The bus driver shakes his head and says,''No, I'm sorry.''
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: ''Will it take ME?''
A Russian guy was walking down the street when he came across a bottle of vodka. He picked it up, opened it and a genie came out and said, "You are my master. You now have one wish."
The Russian man said, "I would like to piss vodka."
When the he got home he told his wife to get two glasses. She brought them and asked what they'd be drinking. He told her he could piss vodka, and of course she didn't believe him. So he pissed in the glasses, she smelled one, and said, "It smells like vodka!"
Then they drank some and couldn't believe it, but it tasted like vodka too! Indeed, it was the best vodka they'd ever had.
So the next night the Russian guy came home tired and told his wife to get one glass. She asked him, "Why only one glass?"
"Because tonight," he said, "you're drinking from the bottle!"